Home?
Never been there.
Strength?
Never had it.
Friends?
Never heard of them.
Love?
Messes me up.
Life?
Not worth it.
This isn’t me anymore
I’m gone.
(Source: wthellmichelle, via yikespeasant)
This is how I feel right now… Because of them, I’m not myself anymore.
I hate this so much.
I really just wanna be alone forever.
(Source: youtube.com)
(via yikespeasant)
I just wanna be anorexic .
Maybe then , ill be good enough for you .
I caught you hugging her yesterday.
She pulled away quickly when she saw me.
Some “best friend”.
Soon, there will be more. In conclusion? I fucking hate life
(Source: c0uples, via jessekinng)
(Source: dmco, via catherine-inwonderland)
It’s a matter of knowing…
So, here is my final goodbye to a typical heartbreaker…
I guess you’re just like any other guy… Unable to realize how much i cry .
I’m in love with you and i have been for so long. And don’t pull that “we’re just friends” bullshit with me. Please, just don’t. You’ve already shattered my heart. I know you feel something for me too, why can’t you just admit it to me. I can’t bring myself to hate you… & No matter how much I want to get you out of my head, I just can’t! You’re all i think about and i can’t stand that!
The beginning
We started off as strangers. Everyone had a crush on you when you first arrived at the school. I brushed you off, I thought you were gonna be conceited considering all the female attention you had gotten. I already had a small crush-let on someone else, but as i observed you more and more, you seemed to grow onto me. i became more and more intrigued with you and i just had to know more about you. As I started to get to know you, i began growing feelings for you. I thought it was just a crush though, nothing more. I always fucked up in front of you though, so i tried to stay away from you to try not to embarrass myself.
End of 7th grade.
8th grade.
8th grade? I was still in what i thought was love with this other kid, but of course i had a little crush on you just like always. This other kid went after someone else, so after a long process, i got over him. You were the center of my attention. I knew you didnt like me though. i was used to that already :T That was, until i started getting some male attention around the middle of this year. You would message me on chat a few times, usually just for small things like homework but as long as i had spoken to you, it got me through the day. i used to try to think of clever “aways” on aim to get your attention. they didnt always work, but when they did, i was so happy. Then one day, i put up a status about being a proud virgin because someone had made fun of me because i was one earlier in the day. thats when it all started. You hit me up and we talked about a lot of things. That kept my spirit up for a long time… Then our first webcam session happened and i was ecstatic.
8th grade prom
I had the hugest crush on you and everyone knew it. i tried to be discreet about it but i trusted the wrong people and said the wrong things. we were at prom and i saw my “friend” trying to grind on you, but you brushed her off. my other friend told me that she was gonna ask you to dance, and i said it was okay and that she didnt need my permission. little did i know that she was going off to ask you to dance with me. i didnt know. you turned the offer down though, because you cant dance (sorry, but you really cant). Even after you rejected me, i was okay. i kept dancing with other people, (most of the others had a crush on me, you knew). Finally, my friend asked you and your friends to take a picture with me and my friends. You came to my side and held me close, with your arm around my shoulder. I was completely in love. I left prom that night with my head in the clouds over nothing, really.
The Next morning…
I put up a subliminal facebook status about you not dancing with me. You messaged me apoligizing for not dancing and thats when you admitted that you cant dance. I was so relieved that you hadnt rejected me just because you thought i wasnt… pretty or something. Then you told me that i was pretty and that had me going for days!
That Summer (2010)
We made plans but we never came through. i didnt mind, though. you had a busy life and i understood that.
9th grade year
I had every single class with you and i couldnt keep my eyes off you. i think you noticed. we talked a lot that year. this crush was a little more than a crush now..
Many guys liked me (including one of your best guy friends but the feelings were not mutual…), wonderful guys. I turned them all down in hoped that you’d come after me some day.
Summer 2011
That summer was the best summer of my life. We spent a lot of our time together. You came over, met my family, spent the day with me, and hit me up the moment you boarded the bus back to your house. I hoped that this was turning into something more…
We made many plans and you called me ‘your hazel’. We had so many inside jokes. you were no longer just my crush, but my best friend too. you knew more about me than anything. we texted everyday until we fell asleep, at around 6am. Then the next morning you’d hit me right back up ready to talk to me again. i loved tht feeling. unfortunately, that summer you had a girlfriend but i didnt care. it hurt me, but i figured that as long as you were happy, i was happy too. you trusted me and told me every problem you had with her. you asked for my opinion before you broke up with her. no matter how much it hurt me, i told you to stay strong with her because i just wanted you to be happy. of course i had other boyfriends throughout all this time but you were always the one on my mind. you broke up with her and you kept speaking to me, only more flirtily. a series of webcam chats, phone calls and more.
10th grade year
The worst year of my life.
We stopped texting each other, let alone chatting each other up on facebook or aim (which died out). I was upset about it but i had to suck it up and get over you. i started to get over you but every single time i was almost over you, you hit me up and flirted me up a bunch, or hugged me or asked to spend the day with me. you got a tumblr, and the girls blew your head up with compliments and you changed…
I had already fallen in love with you though. my entire family knew that we were gonna end up together, or so they thought.
December of 10th grade year, the worst/best month of this year)
You hit me up one night asking to webcam chat with me, and i said yes. i thought you had come around. we told each other all of our secrets from the sexts, to the admirers to the fantasizing. you told me that you had fantasized about me a lot. we told each other a lot of things that night… i no longer just felt love for you, but lust as well.i blushed a lot during that webcam chat, and you had teased me about it descretely the day after and the week after and more… it was a cute inside joke. Everytime we saw each other, you’d tease me with the phrase “when are we gonna make eye contact?” He only wanted to make eye contact because he knew that i’d blush because bu now he knew everything about me. we started playing the lovers game (when we stole each others stuff and had to chase each other to get it back). my friends knew everything but the dirty stuff (except for his size :x). i remember that one of my friends was talking about how hot he was with me, she seemed a little too excited about his size, but i brushed it off. i mean, she’s my best friend, she wouldnt do that to me, right?
Right?
Wrong.
one night, he called me up and asked me to do a secret santa with you and your friends. i was super excited. i got you, not by rigging it but by luck. he got my best friend, the one who got excited about his size. she had just gotten a boyfriend (he used to have a crush on me but i rejected him hoping that youd notice your feelings for me)
as we started talking less, apparently, you started to talk more and more to my “best friend”. i noticed a few things like her asking you how much you loved herbut i brushed it off thinking that i could trust her and that she meant it in a joking way. then, one day i noticed that she gave you a flirty look.
i was devastated.
i confronted her about it and she told me that she was surprised that i’d even think that she would do that to me. she guilt tripped me, and i believed her. she told me that she’d rather lose him as a friend than me, so she promised to stop talking to you. i believed her. then my other friend told me that she’d caught her flirting you up in gym class, which i dont take with you. i went home and cried. i put up another subliminal status about the both of you, and then i recieved a call from her. she told me that she’s really sorry and that she would never do it again. she admitted that she broke her promise the first time but she swore that she’d never flirt with you again. i gave her another chance, but you? you dont get another chance.
im starting to think that i shouldnt have given her another chance. she uses her model-esque body to her advantage and you were under her spell for a while.
you broke my heart. i dont speak to you anymore. i dont look at you anymore. the moment you noticed that i wasnt giving you this attention, you asked my friends whether or not i liked you. they didnt answer.
im in love with you, but you shattered my heart.
out of all people, my best friend? we have history. we had everything going for us. one silly mistake and we’re done forever. i cant even look at you with a dry eye anymore.
Today, January 31, 2012
the fucked up thing is that no matter how much i hate you for this, for everything. for abandoning me, for using me, for keeping me wrapped around your finger, for leading me on, for hurting me. no matter how much i hate you, i cant help but love you.
and thats what ill keep doing forever
hurt or not
shattered or not, depressed or not?
i love you, and i always will.
i just needed to put that out there.
it happens eventually everyone does so why not you
(via yikespeasant)
(Source: autarque, via yikespeasant)
